First message on Tinder: why «hey how are you» kills you
You matched and wrote «hey how are you». She didn't reply. It's not her fault. Here's what to write instead, with examples from real chats.
You matched. Good. Now comes the part where most people throw it all away in four words: hey how are you.
She doesn't reply. And you think she's one of those who match and vanish. Sometimes that's true. Far more often, your message was identical to the other twenty she got that day, and she opened the one that was different.
Why «hey how are you» doesn't work
Not because it's rude. Because it gives her nothing to start from. To reply, she has to invent a topic. She's doing the work you were supposed to do. And after a day at work, she doesn't.
Same goes for «hey beautiful», «hi», «how was your day» and anything you could copy and paste to anyone.
The two-piece rule
A first message that works has two pieces:
- A specific reference to her profile. A photo, a detail from the bio, a place. It proves you looked, not that you swiped everything right.
- A question or a light tease. Something that's easy and fun to answer.
Together they make a message only you could have written, only to her. That's all it takes.
Examples from real chats
She has a photo in Lisbon.
Saw Lisbon in your third pic. How long before you tell me it's the most beautiful city in Europe?
She wrote in her bio that she makes pizza at home.
Homemade pizza, ok. Serious question: pineapple yes or no? Everything depends on this answer.
She has a photo with a dog.
I need to know the dog's name before anything else.
She wrote «don't know what to write here».
I didn't know what to write here either, so here's something true: you have a smile that makes me want to text you even without knowing what to say.
She has a photo at a concert.
Concert in the second pic. Fair warning, if you tell me it was Ed Sheeran the match is cancelled.
What they have in common
None of them is a compliment about her body. None asks «how are you». All of them talk about something she chose to show, and all of them leave an easy reply.
And all of them have a bit of a joke. Not too much. Just enough to show that talking to you is easy.
If she still doesn't reply
It happens. Wait two days, then send a second message that isn't «???» or «you there?». Something like: «Ok, I'm just saying pineapple on pizza is an important topic and I'm not letting it go». Making her laugh revives more chats than anything else.
If she doesn't reply even then, let it go. There are others. And with an opener like this, a lot more of them reply.
If you'd rather we write the first message for you, photo by photo, that's what Chat Assist does. You send us the profile, we send you what to write. In under ten minutes.
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